TO ALL TELECOMS WITH UTTER DISTASTE!

Dear Telecom companies,

It’s been great having you guys around, for all the insufficiency, poor network, lousy customer care and exorbitant charges, we are not about to let you go!

From the moment I stuck my 1,500shs. Investment on the line for a sim card, I knew I had trouble; I could almost hear the rumble from within and smell the stench that accompanies living with Ugandan telecom companies. My mind was thumping of how poor an economist I’d been! If my C.E.O brain was not interim surely that was going to be my last day on desk!

The quality of phones aside, telecom companies play a big role in Ugandan frustration, they actually qualify as a measure for sorrowful living only that the identifiers of such indexes seem to live in a world of their own.

So, just how good beyond worst are telecom companies in Uganda?

NETWORK!

This I am told, is meant to be the sole reason this pack of dwanzies exists. However, unlike what people tell me, turns out job prescription for telecom companies is, the f***, give them the worst you can get! Despite lacking mango trees on to peg to in the city, not even a change of altitude in the countryside can guarantee you two bars of this stuff they call network.

There seems to be an untold sieve at the gateway of network that was planted with a program to disconnect any bar of network directed to my phone! What did I do to you guys? Am I competing with the M.D’s for the same girl? Really? Do you have to be that mean?

usual response!!!
usual response!!!

UNSOLICITED MESSAGES!

From the typing of the word I wish I could strangle the messaging guy in all telecoms. Whoever you are, the Mayan apocalypse is still alive! There is a special corner in hell for you with a flame of cognizance for your deeds!

I walk to a shop buy a scratch card, it litters my nails with that silver stuff of yours and after all the hustle of 8 tries, the card loads and takes another 30 minutes on holiday receiving goddamn bullshit of promos, congratulations, winning ,losing crap…keep it to yourself! No one appreciates your messaging efforts, not even your C.E.O’s would be glad having 35 messages for every 10 minutes. You’re the reason God made stones light enough for throwing!

T.V, RADIO ADS!

S.U.C.K, in the new Oxford dictionary, with reliable information from a source who couldn’t disclose his name for fear of being associated with lousiness, will be the new tag for telecom ads! Do you guys have an ounce of creativity? Seriously who buys a ladder from 20 million, rather socks, rather boda-bodas, shit and all of them are right! So imagine am your boss and after a hectic work day I am back home and there you are promising to buy me a farewell card? Why not buy you one next morning? Whoever makes these ads, I pray Peter ‘Musizi wa langi’ sees a potential painting board in your face!

you need some of this stuff!
you need some of this stuff!

SLOW INTERNET!

Initially, snails were not super fast living creatures, and then came internet speeds of Ugandan telecoms. Thanks to you, the snail community can now think Usain Bolt is a match!

For a page to load half-way on Ugandan telecom internet, you’d purchase a cow from Rwakitura, milk it and have a cup of coffee! And then after a single page load, it’s normally fashionable for them to send the message “dear customer your (whatever package) has expired”! Really? Is that the best you can do?

even the legends know!
even the legends know!

 

yours in utter distaste

dead customer!

recommend a competitor!

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