Welcome aboard colleague,
First is, we should baptize you a string of names for you have defied the odds to win ‘that party’ a by-election. Like the indomitable chic of NRM or ‘byoya bya nswa’ of usuk and the country, you have the freedom to choose wait we could actually get you an NRM Olympic medal for defying the drought.
Now to the harsh words, Uhmmnnn, now that you have won, you probably will receive a call to come and visit the big man , who might vary from that indolent lumpen or the ‘nothing doer’ mussajja wa kabaka….who cannot be intimidated with a fairly rough face or perhaps even the country’s mightiest of thieves .
I bet you don’t even know where parliament is! Ka kati, the directions are, when your bus reaches arua park, be careful and tighten your bags to your body to avoid losing that UACE certificate with 3 points else you might go back to the village the poorer than you came, if the opposition ever finds out you don’t have one.
When you reach please defy the odds of glaring at the orange tins patrolling the city or the stretches of police lines barring you from passing certain roads and do not even bother mumbling you are an M.P, you just might end up cooling in CPS for a record number of hours before they actually realize you are an ‘NRM’ M.P and worse still one with the by-election gold medal.
Then you shall reach parliamentary avenue (if you so know how to speak luganda) where the tallest building on that road that harbors the country’s outstanding empty-heads that are proud to flaunt it shall be the parliament of the republic of the banana!
Now it is not a must that you shall actually get an office unless a few toilets are re-arranged to get you one, or actually you may also not get a seat in the plenary sessions unless one of those chaps sees it fit to carry you on their laps, but you shall be an M.P then. The left hand side will be the opposition and the other side where you find a bunch of goons sleeping on the front row shall be the side you are meant to sit.
Don’t get bothered by big words, none of those guys knows exactly what they say, just join in and raise your hand whenever you are itched to say something, like ‘Mr. Speaker is it in order ‘riyallleee’..For me a ‘wholo’ representative of usuk to sit on one ka-bum only’ ………….that should actually be your starting point.
But however the time will come for you to choose a committee and that is when you will need your brains if you are to ever make money in parliament or grow fat eitherway.
Don’t choose a ‘dry’ committee, look for those juicy ones where they serve cakes and samosas and an allowance fee is there after that plus travel allowances to go and visit outside countries (I know you have never been there ate ‘tewekwasa’ you have never) where I strongly recommend you change your accent to fit in. Request for money to go to southafrica and look at the road samples as the road to usuk is being constructed.
Btw (if you even understand that text language) which university will you go to with 3 points, I can recommend Musa body university of mechanics and engineering in katwe centre, they offer courses like bachelors’ of binding and stapling , bachelors for city dwelling and ogling, bachelor for being there fwaa! And then a masters in street language. You have choices don’t get scared!
And finally don’t be afraid to fleece tax payers’ money because that is your job description number 1.
You see those guys that came to campaign for you and even those that rigged for you, eh! Those guys are given a bullion van to come those ends ate! For you a by-election gold medal winner, every one in the country will want to have a look at you.
Before I forget, remember to read the red pepper every morning for tales on how whoppers are yearning for you or perhaps how you vend yoyo in parliament don’t say I didn’t warn you ……
Yours in writing